Are You Talented?

I want to talk about talents, such as, my friend T's ability to fish and hunt. He has survival skills. I do too, but not as good as him.  My friend, C's ability to run. He's very fast. My friend, P's ability to bike. And Henry's ability to cook, skateboard, he's good at a lot of things. I'm also good at skateboarding, and biking, and cooking. Me and my brother are practically survival masters, because we both also are good at archery.

Everyone starts out with all the abilities in the world, but each of us is a little extra good at one of them. Like, me and my drawings:

My grown up friend, Cole, likes to write about old movies. My mom is good at gardening, and she can paint, and she can cook, and do a lot of good things because she's a grown up. Growing up is when you're expected to do more, so that's when you have to learn about more. I think every grown up or person in the world has at least one thing they're good at. It can be something funny, it can be something serious. All I know is, it's impossible to be good at nothing.

Not Enough Theme Party? Or Too Much Theme Party?

Have you ever thought of a theme party for your children? If you have, I bet it was really fun. But when I look at this catalog, they are driving theme birthdays over the limit.

Okay here, we have a shark fin costume accessory, which fits on your back like a backpack. A shark fin headband which doesn't even go on right. Shark Dangling Swirls. We have shark attack kites. I bet you're getting the point now. ALL THIS STUFF IS SHARK-RELATED.

STOP! This shark stuff is driving me crazy. After you look at this catalog, all you can think is Shark and all you can see is blue. So, you're talking to your friend after you look at this catalog, "Hey dudeSHARK, do you wannaSHARK go buySHARK somethingSHARK at the SHARK."

Why do moms even do this? I mean, let's say the theme is wooden crafts. The kid would obviously get a bunch of plastic tools and a hardhat. "Why not?" The mom thinks. It's really too much.

Now, if I was throwing a birthday party, I'd probably put a little theme in. I would probably do an Electronics themes. Like, the cake would be decorated with green and white circuits, made of frosting. I'd give away little plush robots and we would play whatever my child would want to play because it's his birthday party. It's not like okay, can we play Circuit Here Circuit There? No! We're playing Don't Touch The Floor! But I wanted to..NO! WE'RE PLAYING DON'T TOUCH THE FLOOR DAMMIT!

I mean, if you're throwing birthday parties, make sure they aren't too heavy, and they're easy to catch.

THE END

My Big Kayaking Trip

Yesterday was probably one of the best days of my life, because I experienced something that I've never experienced before: a little something called "kayaking."

My dad said there was going to be a guy called Marc, but the guy we met said Marc had the day off, so it was a guy called Josh. We ate snacks, he gave us apple cider, and we talked about stuff. He told me a joke I've never heard before. Here it is: Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven, eight, nine (seven ate nine.)

We talked about other things like famous mathematicians and people like that. And I started a different subject, "How do you think Attila the Hun was executed when he got to Europe?" That conversation didn't last too long, but he seemed to be fine with the subject.

There were a lot of other interesting things. I want to tell you about all four of them.

1. An Elk: I don't know if my dad or Josh saw it, but I did.

2. We found two beaver lodges. You're not going to believe this, but one of them was forty years old! I mean, not even human-built houses can stand that long! We also found two baby beavers. One came right up to us.

3. We also found ducks and lilypads. It's like they're alive. I tried to touch one and it went under water. It's like a sea anemone, only it's a lake anemone.

4. We found a cormorant. I cleverly brought my binoculars, they're very high-tech.

Before I end this, I'm going to say one more thing. I wish I had brought Laszlo with me.

THE END :)

A Crime Scene in Our Town

Today a very interesting thing happened. It's making our town look like it has to be removed. There are too many thieves here, including, my friend, P.

I was over on the side of my neighbor's house with P. and there are windows on the sides of their house and one of the screens was broken while the window was open. Their laptop was right next to the window. P. said, "Let's get that free laptop!" I backed out of it. He said I was small enough to crawl through, I still backed out of it. So, I went over to check on my chickens and see if there were eggs. I went back to P. but he was gone, with the laptop. I saw him running over to the cow field. Then, he ran back to his house.

About 20 minutes later, the little girl who lived in that apartment with the broken screen, and her uncle, were over at our house, looking for the laptop. They talked to my mom and me, and my mom said she didn't know anything about it. Except me, I knew everything. They asked me and I told them it was probably at P.'s house. We went over and got it. P. had it under the porch.

When I came over I even heard him say, "You came over to check out my new laptop?" and I said, "No." He said, "Well, I'm going to sell it." I took it out from under his porch and he asked, "What are you doing?" I said, "Taking it back. It's not yours and you know that. Stealing someone else's stuff and then selling it? Not cool." And then the little kids showed up with their uncle. P. went over to the little kids' house with his mom and apologized.

Slug Soup, About Me

A Trip to Portland

The idea was to go to Portland on my birthday. It came from me because I wanted to do it because my brother Henry did it. I rode the bus to Portland by myself. I'm big enough, I don't need my mom to drop me off. I mean, I'd love to have her drop me off, but I wanted to do something on my own.

Obviously, the driver was drunk. Everything was like CGRRRR! and when you looked at the road, the bus was swerving. My bike almost got left on the bus, but Uncle David saved my life.

He had to run all the way to in front of the bus to tell them that we left my bike. We ate at a Subway, as soon as I got there. I went to OMSI. We saw the geology exhibit, the archeologists exhibit. We did the jungle exhibit. I saw some animals. Here are few things I saw: Alaskan Scorpions. Isn't that something? A Black River-Swimming Lizard, a chameleon, an iguana. I found a beetle about the size of a full-grown man's ear. I saw a tarantula (my first), two snakes, and some bullfrogs, and a huuuge grass lizard.

Portland isn't much of a place for a lot of rain. So, if you want rain, come to Tillamook. Trust me, it's not even that sunny in the summer. When it's summer in Portland, you have to have Capri Sun Supreme Cold with ice in it. Anyway, back the to the point. I had fun. Made a guy fall into the river. Yeah, I did. He was on his bike, swerving around people, and I was in his way and he turned too sharply and he went off of cliff and into the water.

Took some pictures of ducks. Squirrel, got to see a real live squirrel, finally.

Just got to see Portland itself. I hung out with my Uncle David and he popped his tire actually, he got a piece of wire stuck in it. But, God saved us all, there was a bike repair shop nearby. I hung out at the gas station and bought some crap. He bought an Arizona Iced Tea, and just let me have a sip. DON'T WORRY, MOM. JUST A SIP. (Because she knows Arizona Iced Tea is bad for you.) P.S. Try not to tell my mom, but next time I get some allowance I'm going to buy a whole six pack of Arizona Iced Tea.

Happy Almost Easter, People!

Easter is on Sunday, the 24th. I think it's my favorite holiday because you actually have to do something to earn what you get in that holiday, not just wait to get what you want. I hope to do an Easter egg hunt. I'm going to go with my friend to the park on Sunday, to go on an Easter egg hunt.
The Easter Bunny is just a hoax. Seriously, I mean, he steals Santa's idea. He has a basket of eggs, like a sack of presents. He lays stuff out. He's pretty much just stupid.

The Tooth Fairy! I get more than just a "visit" from the tooth fairy. I get a certificate for $5 and some ice cream and some gum. That's why I like my parents better than some stupid old fairy that doesn't exist.