Slug Soup, About Me

A Trip to Portland

The idea was to go to Portland on my birthday. It came from me because I wanted to do it because my brother Henry did it. I rode the bus to Portland by myself. I'm big enough, I don't need my mom to drop me off. I mean, I'd love to have her drop me off, but I wanted to do something on my own.

Obviously, the driver was drunk. Everything was like CGRRRR! and when you looked at the road, the bus was swerving. My bike almost got left on the bus, but Uncle David saved my life.

He had to run all the way to in front of the bus to tell them that we left my bike. We ate at a Subway, as soon as I got there. I went to OMSI. We saw the geology exhibit, the archeologists exhibit. We did the jungle exhibit. I saw some animals. Here are few things I saw: Alaskan Scorpions. Isn't that something? A Black River-Swimming Lizard, a chameleon, an iguana. I found a beetle about the size of a full-grown man's ear. I saw a tarantula (my first), two snakes, and some bullfrogs, and a huuuge grass lizard.

Portland isn't much of a place for a lot of rain. So, if you want rain, come to Tillamook. Trust me, it's not even that sunny in the summer. When it's summer in Portland, you have to have Capri Sun Supreme Cold with ice in it. Anyway, back the to the point. I had fun. Made a guy fall into the river. Yeah, I did. He was on his bike, swerving around people, and I was in his way and he turned too sharply and he went off of cliff and into the water.

Took some pictures of ducks. Squirrel, got to see a real live squirrel, finally.

Just got to see Portland itself. I hung out with my Uncle David and he popped his tire actually, he got a piece of wire stuck in it. But, God saved us all, there was a bike repair shop nearby. I hung out at the gas station and bought some crap. He bought an Arizona Iced Tea, and just let me have a sip. DON'T WORRY, MOM. JUST A SIP. (Because she knows Arizona Iced Tea is bad for you.) P.S. Try not to tell my mom, but next time I get some allowance I'm going to buy a whole six pack of Arizona Iced Tea.

Happy Almost Easter, People!

Easter is on Sunday, the 24th. I think it's my favorite holiday because you actually have to do something to earn what you get in that holiday, not just wait to get what you want. I hope to do an Easter egg hunt. I'm going to go with my friend to the park on Sunday, to go on an Easter egg hunt.
The Easter Bunny is just a hoax. Seriously, I mean, he steals Santa's idea. He has a basket of eggs, like a sack of presents. He lays stuff out. He's pretty much just stupid.

The Tooth Fairy! I get more than just a "visit" from the tooth fairy. I get a certificate for $5 and some ice cream and some gum. That's why I like my parents better than some stupid old fairy that doesn't exist.

I don't really want to be human.

It's kind of stupid. There's an animal living on this planet, just doing his thing, just living life. Suddenly someone comes along. "Oh! I hope they're here to help find food or something. oh, no? They're here to take our food and take us and do weird experiments on us and destroy our homes. Oh, that completely screwed up my life. Now I don't have any food and I'm in this weird place. Well that sucks. Oh, they're going to kill my family. Okay. So I'm supposed to live like this right? Oh, well, I don't want to live like this now. I don't want to live okay? I'm dead. Oh, and I go to hell. Okay. I go to hell. What did I do wrong? I just lived my life and I live in hell. And I remember my old life."

Don't do this.

Don't try to be like your parents when you grow up. Do you know why? Because your parents made mistakes in their life too.

One particular thing I will do when I grow up.

Today is about me dying.  Not dying today.  When I get old and I feel I will die, I'm going to always keep a few matches and a belt with a gasoline tub strapped to my belt.  And, when I die, I will kill myself.  I'll pour the gasoline on myself.  And, without screaming, I'll take the match and I will drop it on myself.  I will very calmly fall to the ground and burn up.  And I will remain a skeleton. 

Return of the Chinese Boxer

Very very fake, I can tell.  Very fake kung-fu in the beginning.  Fake Chinese talking and fake Chinese symbols.  But it was still good.  Not all of the Chinese fighting was fake.  In a little tournament, these people fight and there was a bit of blood.  The best fighter there is an old man.  He's a bald old man guy with a spear.  My favorite, he dies though, he has a scythe.  He has a mini scythe, like a cleaver, with a chain attached to it and he'll swing it around with one hand or attack with the cleaver.  And they put their lives in a little fight, but they get a good thing if they win.  This little pearl, like a little diamond, and a sword.

This guy with the gun, he is evil.  Or you could say evil.  He's just one of the enemies.  Guns are his weapons.  He dies, of course.  The main character kicks his ass.  The main character kicks everyone's ass.  The main character kicks a target's ass in the beginning. 

This guy is an enemy.  He always calls over his soldiers when he wants to kill someone and he's a little crybaby.  He's my least favorite evil character. 

The enemy took a little jug of liquid and they poured it over the guys that died in the tournament to make them zombies.  They weren't like zombies like putting their hands before them and saying , "BRAINZ".   They were indestructable.  They'd choke people and then let go and then they'd fall over.  The hero's little friend has a bunch of throwing knives and little explosives and they blow the zombies up at the end.

Thanks to Cole and his friends.  He suggested queue de grace and gave me all these awesome movies.  It was fun.  Next it's time for me to pick for Cole.